you've got to trust your instincts and let go of regret

Current mood:excited

you got to bet on yourself now start, cause thats your best bet. f the naysayers cause they dont mean a thing. lyrics from all mixed up by 311. i started to read a new book today called the 4 agreements. its a spiritual type book by this mexican guy ruiz. he talks about some cool stuff in the first chapter and the intro. he says everything is made of light or some life force. the light we see is manifestations of our own interpretation based on beliefs that were instilled in us by our upbringing. we are molded from an early age to believe certain "agreements". for instance this is a blog. wtf is a blog? well you and i, as well as countless other internet savvy individuals agree that a blog is some sort of online collection of thoughts, a journal of sorts. a cat is a cat, we agree. a television is what we watch stuff on and so on. he says we cant see things for what they are completely because of the fog caused by our preconceived beliefs based on years of "domestication". he quotes john lennon,"living is easy with eyes closed....misunderstanding all you see." we were not allowed to choose our beliefs, but agreed with the information. what is right and wrong, whats acceptable and whats not.eventually we are domesticated and keep ourselves that way."we start pretending to be what we are not, just to please others". most of our behaviors are based on fear of what others will think or what we believe is wrong to them. we are our own biggest critics. this stuff is so true. i haven't really gotten too far in the book, but so far i like it. when i got sober i dropped allot of that what you think of me bullshit. i spent allot of my time trying to be what i thought i needed to be to fit in with whomever was present. now the friends i have are amazed with my ability to be transparent, to say what i think about anything. i will speak whats on my mind, but there is still a line. i still care about what others will think based on the "agreements" society has on what is appropriate. i push the envelope and am complimented on my bravado or negligence, its whatever. i still pull punches cause i want to be liked just as you do. i want to have people say good things about me. i had a cousin ask me at christmas where i was last year. i asked if she wanted the truth, then i gave it to her(see blog part 9, the end of my story), much to the chagrin of the boyfriend who thought i was psycho. he doesn't know me well enough to appreciate the shock value humor i dropped on him. i'll let you know as i get further in the book what i discover, you may be able to tell by reading these blog posts. if you start to think i am crazy, the book is helping to free me from the prison of my own mind and engrained beliefs. stay tuned, if you haven't subscribed to this blog, now is as good a time as any. so sign up for the blog and i'll keep you posted. i love my cat and my job. hit me with music, brutalize me. "one good thing about music, when it hits ya, ya feel no pain" robert nesta marley......merry christmas everyone and happy new year. i make 1 year sober on friday, hoo rah! amanda howard is awesome and i hate her sister katie 4 life son......peace