breathing is the hardest thing to do with all thats said and all thats dead to you

thats stp's interstate love song. i'm kinda bored right now. i'm at the halfway house and the guys are cleaning the apartments, so i have a minute to chill. i haven't been writing as much as i used to for whatever reason. i guess when i don't have so much stuff going on, i really don't need every available therapeutic avenue that's at my disposal. it's nice to have the tools when i need them though. i dont know what it is, but when i look back at the past year, i see myself as being really happy. i was really hurt when i was dealing with the seperation and the divorce, but the pain was only temporary. thats always the case and i guess its not about whether or not it hurts or even how bad it hurts, but the response to the pain that shows the character of an individual. i could sit here all day and cry about the crumby hand i was dealt or how life is not giving me a fair shake, but life has given me a fair shake. i got, not neccessarily what i deserved, but what i needed. it's like my man mick jagger said,"you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need." i was on the fast track to the funeral home or the cell block and God intervened in the only way that would have worked. He took from me everything that meant anything. i even lost the cat for 8 months. however, i learned everything i needed to learn to become the person i am today. i am a strong, caring, loving, responsible, smart, happy person and i love the guy i've become. i guess sometimes to see the real character in a person, he or she must be subjected to adversity or trials of some sort. i am able to give back today and help others, i help God save lives, thats my job today. what goes around comes around and you reap what you sow. its true, for what ever reason, once i stopped lying to people and doing things the wrong way, my life has been slowly restored. i have a place to live, a job that i love, friends that love me, my family is in my corner, i am trusted with 15 drug addicts on the weekends......hold on, i am trusted with drug addicts for over 50 hours a week and am paid for it. are you kidding me? anyone reading this right now should just stop and think about the last time you and i hung out, alright now imagine me, sitting around with 15 guys in early sobriety all weekend, what conclusion would you come up with? i used to not be able to sit in a room with normal people for very long before they started smoking weed with me. i dont even know where this is going, but all i'm saying is that life has a way of giving you what you give out. so be careful with how you treat others cause someone is bound to do the same things to you. be safe and be careful today and for the rest of the week. i hope to write again soon, but you know how that goes. so until next time, remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink....but if you hold his head under the water for long enough he's gotta get a little bit. ya heard. boyz II men for life son. represent!! chase lay off the haterade man, my face aint that bad bra......holla