i feel so much depends on the weather, so is it raining in your bedroom?

Current mood:aroused

these are the eyes of disarray. i often feel that my eyes are all out of order. that match-maker dot com ad, or whatever it is, keeps popping up in my face on here and its slogan up top is,"its okay to watch" its always got some hot chick laying in bed, scantily clad, fixing a bra strap, typing on the computer. are you kidding me? i mean it works, i look at the ad. the product looks good, but for the wrong reasons. the last one i saw has a girl in a santa hat, what? i gotta pause here to apologize for my last blog that was my weekly meltdown where i let go of some anger and bitterness about marriage. i dont really feel that way. i know what i was doing last year at this time. it was in fact storming in my bedroom and my life is what was in disarray. so, get married. i dont regret it to this day. i loved my wife enough back then to get married. if you are in love, get married. i know that love never goes away. i love my ex-wife more today than i did the day i proposed. now, i know the person she is and i love her for it. it was not a mistake to get married when we did. i would not go back and change that. it was the right decision. the bad decision was not committing to a recovery program and getting help when i had a chance. true love is undeniable. you know it when you feel it. i figured, when we got married, why wait? we love each other, and thats all you need. the problem was i became unlovable, that is, i couldn't even love myself. no one could love the thing i had become. i was no longer living. i merely existed and was a miserable existance. i stole things, lied to everyone, and treated myself and people who loved me like crap.its what i did. i know that now that i am once again a human being and not the demon i was that my ex loves me and i love myself again. i have been delivered from the depths of hell and refuse to go back for anybody. so about that matchmaker thing, i'm not doing that i just noticed their ad. its stupid. i'm telling you, do not meet girls on the internet. just dont do it. please. i beg you not to. those commercials, thats actors. i know it says they're not, but they are. i know one of the guys on that commercial for e harmony dot com. okay, so i dont know him, but that is not real. this stuff is for crazy people who just sit around and play on the internet all day, umm wait a minute, i hope thats not me. i may be the perfect candidate for e-harmony and their commercials. craziness. i'm out. i gotta check my facebook and myspace page. 4 days til the birthday, anyone want to go eat with me and some friends let me know. for now its just me, p-rac, maybe tanya. so holler. much love to my homies in rehab keeping it real like dey b saying fa show.