if ya try the best ya can, if ya try the best ya can. the best ya can is good enough

radiohead's optimistic. i saw my ex-brother in law yesterday for the first time in well over a year. i was astonished. i guess it was only a matter of time 'til our paths crossed. they teach me in aa that there are no coincidences. everything happens for a reason. nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. i was not ready to see him, but i did. i tapped him on the shoulder and extended my right hand saying,"hey, whats up michael". this is the first time i've ever recognized him by just his first name and wasn't jokingly greeting him. i normally say what up mike mike or hey brother b.i.l.(bil is brother in law) i was far too nervous. i remember darth vader in empire says,"you may dispense with the pleasantries, captain" thats how i felt. it was all business and i was a ball of nerves. i never know what to expect from mutual friends the first time i see them post-meltdown and this was her brother. i knew this guy hated my guts and wouldn't be afraid to show it. so, mike stands up and shakes my hand. he was excited to see me. he pulled me in for a big hug and asked how i was doing. i said i was doing 'real good'. i was stone cold sober, but nervous as i have ever been in my life. this is one of the few people left in the world that i have wronged in some way and haven't made an amends. the reason is that my sponsor tells me that when it's time god will put him in front of you to make the amend. well, here he is and i blew it. i need to do it next time and i will. it was so unexpected and i couldn't find the words. i probably felt more like drinking after seeing him than i have in my sobriety, but i didn't want to drink, i was just extremely uncomfortable. anyways, god is good. michael is a good man and i should have expected this from him. you get to see how people really are when you wrong them and then do everything in your power to make things right. you see what people are really made of and michael miesch is a good dude and a better man. i tip my hat to him and apologize for expecting anything less. thats about my morbid expectations, the whole cloud of impending doom thing. i have heard around the aa community about these things happening. seeing someone in a grocery store that you owe an amend to and you don't do it. then god puts them back in front of you to do the deal. anyways. happy valentines day to all and to all good night. peace and holla atcha.