now it seems like too much love is never enough

you better seek out another road cause this one has ended abrupt, say hello to heaven, temple of the dog. you know after last nights post with the lyrics from that alice in chains song, dont follow, i looked up the lyrics to see what layne was talking about and i wasn't surprised. layne staley captures the misery and fear of addiction and its consequences better than most. he has an uncanny ability of making me feel what he's feeling, its a real talent that was wasted like many have, mitch hedberg, chris farley, and countless others who weren't necessarily entertainers. its kinda sad. so these are the lyrics i found when i looked,"forgot my woman and lost my friends, things i've done and where i've been. sleep in sweat, the mirror's cold and see my face, its growing old. scared to death no reason why, do whatever to get my by. think of all the things i said, read the page its cold and dead, take me home........say goodbye dont follow." that's it exactly i think. at the end of my run with drugs and alcohol i had similar symptoms. i had no friends and forgot so many nights that it often feels like i'm only 25 years old, the cold sweats every night, having to look at myself in the mirror was so painful that i can barely recall what i saw because of my brains attempt to block it all out. i was scared and did whatever to get through each tortured, painful day of my miserable existance. i sometimes think about the things i said, usually to my wife or family, and i am disgusted. i had become such an a.hole to the people who loved me most. its a sad thing and i hate to say it, but when i was using, i often wished that i ended up like layne staley, cold and dead. that was the goal several nights. God spared me and took layne home, for whatever reason. its stupid for me to try to figure how God operates or how layne was on those last days. my guess, based on other lyrics he wrote is that layne was just like me. plenty of times when i wanted to die i didn't have needles or money to buy the right amount to take myself out. layne had the money. the times that i wanted to do it, i'd usually chicken out and take enough to get loaded but not a lethal dose. layne, in my opinion, finally had the gaul to do enough to take himself out. rest in peace layne. this is the horrifying reality of many still suffering alcoholics and drug addicts today. enough of that. i head out in the a.m. i plan to hit the gym to swell my tits, then catch the train out of the b.r. to the miss, then to l town. home of the playas and pimps. whatever. merry christmas to all and to all a good night. i hope that my cousin amanda came correct with the gifts this year. have a good weekend yo. i'll catch ya on the flipside.
peacehaha i love that guy. i was done then angry chair by alice in chains came on. that song is about layne's relapse with addiction and he was mad at himself and the treatment center he was in," saw my reflection and cried. so little hope i could die." wow! thats it, just wanted to add it on. peace