whats my drug of choice

well what have you got? i don't go broke and i do it a lot. thats lyrics from junkhead by alice in chains. this another fine example that addiction is actually a mental illness. for those who don't know, layne staley, lead singer and song writer of alice in chains, died on april 5, 2002 of an overdose of cocaine and heroin at 34 years old. he wrote these lyrics for the dirt album released in 1993. so i guess you can do the math. dude's disease had already progressed from the experimental user if his words are true to his thoughts. this is very similar to the way i was at the end of my active addiction. sure, i had favorites. i loved the way xanax made me feel so relaxed. i enjoyed the mellow high of marijuana. i liked the hallucinogenic power of mushrooms and acid. i loved these highs so much that i was willing to compromise on all the things i knew better than doing, because i also knew better than to smoke weed or take pills at some point and comprimised my beliefs there as well. my point is after the disease has progressed enough, after one has conditioned the body to 'need' chemicals to feel any emotion, any chemical will do. you don't have what i like, well what do you have? lortab, xtc, oxy's, that'll do, give me 5 of each. see, the human body is quite amazing, you can condition it to do just about anything. a young teenage boy who begins strength training in high school, a young tony hawk, these guys were not winning mr. olympia competitions or doing 900's on skateboards the first time out. they had to work at the respective sports and condition the body to get better and better at what it is they were trying to do. addiction is the detrimental side of that coin, a training session for one's own demise. every time an addict feels happy, sad, mad, glad, angry, and even bored, they treat that feeling with a substance and after years of this behavior, it takes some serious work to re-program your brain. its the other side of the training, now to get out one must relearn all of the emotions minus the chemical which can take years, months, whatever. however difficult this process can be, it is possible. i make 18 months sober this week and if you are reading this and knew me 3-10 years ago, think about that for a second. hell, my wife of 5 years was so certain that it was impossible that she left. "you gotta hold on to your time, 'til you break through these times of trouble"chris cornell. there is a solution, and recovery is not only possible, but it's quite simple. one must humble themselves to the process and to God, without him none of this is possible anyway.alright sorry about the scattered thoughts this morning, i felt like writing when i heard the junkhead song come on my media player and am hurried to get to work now. so i will talk to you soon and until then remember, to keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the, no thats not it........i'm allergic to drugs and alcohol. everytime i get loaded, i break out in handcuffs, and not in a bedroom either. holla atcha boy. shouts out to my peoples on the peep-holes.
later