thanks, I'll take a look at it

Current mood:grateful

so i am just bored as ever this past 2 weeks and took some of that time to catch up with some old friends. allot of times i am afraid to talk to people from my past. i cant be sure where they are coming from. i have had to go through some tough times in the last 10 years and have made some mistakes, some that i have paid for in full, others will never be paid. i have made the necessary adjustments and changed the one thing i had to change about myself.....everything. i guess i just expect most folks to be more judgemental. most people i expect to hold me accountable for mistakes i made that didnt even concern them, but they feel the need to punish me. i think people do this cause they havent been able to forgive themselves for something they did somewhere in thier lives. i dont know, but i have had a warm reception from the people i have let in. i remember the 1st time i saw my friend paul at the y that i worked at, i didnt know if i should put up my dukes and get ready to fight, avoid him completely, or give him a shot. i decided to say hello and we are better friends than we were when i lived with him in 2000. its crazy, the first 2 guys i was friends with when i moved here, paul and cory, were basically out of my life for the past 6 years and now they are my 2 best friends again. i talk to my family again. the friends i have talked to from my past have been so good to me and i dont know if i deserve that. well i do deserve good friends, but some of these people have treated me as if i had done nothing to begin with, these are the people i treated the worst.the people i thought were some of my best friends, people i let live with me and i did anything for are not there. its weird, my life is being restored and God is surrounding me with positive, beautiful people who give me encouraging words, funny websites, just thier time. time is something i can never give back to the people i have hurt. i can pay them back money, goods, and con continue to make a living amend or keep doing the right things in my life to make up for the past transgressions, but i cant pay back time.....now these new friends give thiertime so freely to see how i am and to catch up with me. wow! i am so thankful today for the people in my life and as my life is continually restored better than before i cant help but sit here impatiently to see whats next because if in the 1st year of my new life ive been this blessed....whats to come is almost unbelievable. i need to just relaz buckle up and stay tuned for the miracle. love you people.
cjh