unsealed on a porch, a letter sat

Current mood:complacent

lyrics from the pearl jam song yellow ledbetter. its a really good jam that doesnt have many lyrics, but it gets the point across. its about a family recieving a letter about their son dying in the war, and they dont want to open it to see the news they already know. they dont know whether its a box, casket or a bag, body bag...oh yeah. cool song, not much to it. i guess its like any bad situation, you know what the bad news is, but once you see it in writing or physically see it it becomes real. denial is a pretty amazing defense mechanism. i dont know from a book the stages of denial but i'll wing it for arguments sake, i think that its stages of grief, denial being the first. the human mind will go toward the path of least pain and suffering. when a loss occurs the brain tells us that it is not real, this can't be happening. the mind is so powerful that, as my uncle squeaky says,"we manifest what we believe". this is so true and a remarkable feature of the human condition, i say condition because i believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience. so, because i believe that whole heartedly, to me, it becomes real. we manifest what we believe. the next is anger. we lash out, show our teeth. just like a wounded animal, when we are hurt, even emotionally, we growl and show what we are capable of. this is usually a bad deal, i hurt, so you're coming down with me.now phase three is where it can get really embarrassing. we have come to grips with the loss somewhat and have lashed out, but we still dont feel better. now we bargain or beg. in a relationship we say how willing we are to change and how if you take me back i'll do a,b,c, and d. sometimes we blame ourselves, if i would've done this or not gone there or whatever. this again gets us nowhere usually. then stage 4. we've done all we know how to do and give up in a sense. depression is the next stage.we cry or isolate, whatever we do when sad. these 4 stages can happen over months, years, or minutes. i had an experience this week where i cycled through all four in a matter of minutes. that is not it, stage 5 is acceptance. this part is tricky because of that human element. we are so clever that we can decieve ourselves into phase one all over again and believe we are in the acceptance phase. we manifest what we believe. we tell people how we have accepted things and are moving on, but in actuality we are starting the process over again. all in all, on some level we can accept it and move forward. we may still be sad for a long time, but time will heal all wounds. i have been called the acceptance champion by a friend of mine. most of the time i would agree to that, but on some level that title is on the line everyday. being the fighting champion i am, i try my best to be honest with myself and identify where i am emotionally. normally i can do that, but we all are subject to our brains and their cunning attempts to trick or protect us. spiritual beings having a human experience........hi-ya!!! that was just me signing out with a karate chop so, hi-ya!