life's a roller coaster and i'm not strapped in

thats incubus, wish you were here lyrics. i don't know, i guess i enjoy using catchy song lyrics to lure you into reading. the program of alcoholics anonymous talks about living life on life's terms. it seems easy enough, but as you know life's terms often don't meet my requirements. i always used to think that i deserved something handed to me on a silver platter because i am chris howard. i was too cool to worry about all the stuff other people were concerned with. i was too good looking to have to do certain things, or learn certain life skills. the one skill i perfected was manipulation. my looks and my charm were the smoking guns. hell, my high school yearbook had the seniors put a quote in there. mine was,"see, good looks can get you through high school." i did some work, but i obviously missed the lesson on capatalizing the first letter of a sentence and putting two spaces behind a period. i learned soon enough that good looks don't get you too much else. i guess my charm and wit still get me some things pretty easily. let's face it, in the world we live in, there is a lower tolerance for ugly people's stupidity. don't act like it's just me. you know that you deal with a little more bull crap from someone you find attractive. i have never really struggled with getting a date with the girls i liked, for whatever reason. i don't know if it was the way i look or the way i behave, both are stellar qualities(easy,thats a joke). so. life on life's terms is what i was talking about. i am the current acceptance champion, God has made it easy to deal with adversity and circumstance. i signed the final papers on my divorce yesterday morning. i think that it's over this morning sometime. so that season is over. i did all i could. i cleaned up, sobered up, lifted a ton of weights, brought sexy back with my hair glue and abs, got a cool job, and 'burned the torch' for almost a year. so in lyrics, once again, this time by lane staley,"When its all gone wrong, it's hard to be so strong. You know its been on my mind Could you stand right there Look me straight in the eye and say That it's over now We pay our debt sometime." everything we do has a consequence, positive or negative. for every action there is a reaction. i was taught to practice the principles of aa in all my affairs. if i don't i can't stay sober. DAMN IT!! it really sucks sometimes to showcase my ability to be a good person. here are the principles. i wonder if you practice these in 'all your affairs'. honesty, hope, faith, courage, integrity, willingness, humility, brotherly love, justice, perseverance, spiritual awareness, and service are the twelve principles i was taught at st.chris. it is very difficult to put these things to use every day and in every situation. there are several times a day i would like to lie or back out of something i said i would do. i think this is the true blessing of this twelve step program. it is a spiritual program. its not just about not drinking. it's about being the best person i can be, 24/7. i don't know, i guess now that it's over officially, i am going through what my ex did when she threw me out. there is a ton of freedom, an equal amount of sexual frustration, and a fallen world at my fingertips. what to do, what to do. i just can't wrap my head around the fact that i will be dating again. i am seven years removed from that, but more handsome and charming than ever(see principle 7, humility). seriously, i quit drinking and don't have a clue what the dating scene is like anymore. i'll have to pick it up on the fly. i don't want to be a greedy man-whore, but jeez, its been a long time. i guess i'll just take it slow. see how it goes, live life on life's terms, and try to practice these principles in all my affairs(dating included). peace.