with no alarms and no surprises. radiohead again, no surprises. its december 18th, my birthday. last year at this time i was waiting at home for my wife to get back from christmas shopping so we could do something together. i would wait til about 9pm then call my brother over to hang out with my lonely a. he came out from hammond and we watched some of the pirates of the carribean movie til i fell asleep, not passed out, fell asleep. i didnt have any money. so this year i got a call from myka on her lunch break. i got calls from a bunch of people. its nice to be thought of in a good way. instead of everyone wondering what i was doing, to protect me, they are wondering if they can do something with me. its been some year. i have allot to be thankful for and allot i could be sad about. i choose not to throw the old pity party anymore and to just press on, move forward. lots of times i say things like perseverance is my specialty; adversity-my bitch. i dont make any of this stuff happen. this is all a God thing. the fact that i wake up every morning and have no desire to get loaded and a desire to be useful is certainly not my doing. sure, i take credit for cultivating a spiritual life, but thats it. i tried for 27 years and 9 and a half days to run this. it was fun at times, but on the hole preparation h feels good, sorry. austin powers 2 quote, it just jumped in there. where was i? on the whole it was a colossal failure. lack of power was my dilemma, and control and power were the illusion. i thought i had everything under control. i learned that there are only 2 things that any of us have control over: attitudes and actions. that is it. don't fool yourself. people think they have all of this security, financially or otherwise. thats an illusion, once again, we manifest what we believe. dont think for a second that things are taken care of. if God wills it you may lose all that you love in the blink of an eye. it happened to me, it can happen to you. maybe not the same way, but lawsuits, injury, death, any number of things can happen at any moment. myka has a friend from high school who died in his sleep this week at 29 years old. there are no guarantees in life, except that it is tough to spell the word guarantee correctly. so, 10 days until i make a year of sobriety, wow! once again, not me, God. me sober for a year is nuts. i couldn't do it for 10 hours at a time. a year. they say dont be proud be grateful. so i'll be grateful and thankful, you guys be proud of me, k?
hey kaci if you and kevin going to L town, i'd like to see the bb. let me know. aqua teen hunger force is the best show ever, y'eard me? love, peace, hair glue.fa sheezy
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