just another manic monday

Current mood:content

i dont know why i have the bangles on the brain. i was looking for eternal flame the other day and went to their myspace page, the chick with the brown hair is smoking dude, shes gotta be like 50 years old, i dont know. so i went to this meeting on friday night with my boy nick who gets sick of me on a daily basis. on the ride he told me he thought i was crazy, i am, but good crazy. i'm a pretty happy and positive dude these days, its nice being me. i was doing the old new kids dance with the fist push thing, the sprinkler, and all this other crazy stuff on the ride. nick thinks im nuts, i guess i am different, but i remember this other time i put a name tag in my mouth, some mardi gras beads on, and grabbed a hurricane glass, and did my lil john snap ya fingas impersonation while at a red light. i always have been this way, hopefully that wont go away. i dont know i certainly do like being this way though, all my friends at the halfway house ask me how long it took for me to be happy, what? how i always stay so positive, what? are we talking about the same guy......i do have a meltdown about once a week. its always over the same thing, i expect something to happen, and it doesnt. the same thing everyweek. its almost like i torture myself. if i dont get the phone call by midweek, i panic. who has she met, what have i done? and all that same old crap, when in reality nothing has changed. at least that i know of. so i have no facts to go on, so my crazy brain likes to speculate all of these possible scenarios, and for what? i end up calling, which i'm not supposed to do and then if i dont get an answer i flip out worse. i'm getting to be like that guy mikey on swingers, i'm so money and i dont even know it. i think mikey really was crazy though. my friends tell me thats how im gonna be, well maybe so, but thats my business. i'm not sulking, i'm insanely optimistic. i guess knowing that i am doing my part and am enjoying sobriety is comforting. God is comforting. without God in my life, i am probably, nevermind, God is in my life so "i dont have to see the man i've been rising up in me again" that is pretty awesome. i no longer have to be run by instincts and self-will anymore, i have a choice these days and its alright being me. later