everything in its right place

yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon. everythinnnnnnnnng, everythinnnnnnnnnng, in its right place. i think my mood has stabilized. i was really not sure what to feel last week. i have hoped and prayed for so long and have never given up on Gods promises. i know that He is faithful and that my labor of love will not be forgotten. i guess my reaction to the "finality" of signing the paperwork, or what i consider the deathblow, wasnt very good. i reacted poorly, but i am bouncing back and getting up from what was the thing i feared more than anything else. the reason i put the word finality in quotes is because i guess thats how i should feel, but its not. i am now looking at it like a step closer to restoration. thats not how i felt last week when it came out of the chute, but after some time to absorb it and assess my 'real' feelings about it. not the front i'd like to put up or the poor advice most people give me to turn and run, but my true thoughts and feelings about it all. i know my ex loves me and i love her. it seems that love is not just a feeling, its a commitment. its emotional and motional. i can feel it, but i must also do it. i dont even know where this is going. who am i to decide what love is and how it works? i am blessed with insight that i find useful and i put it on here. sometimes i think people read it and agree with it. other times i'm sure they dont, but i cant please everyone. one of the new or not new, but catchy rap slang is,"i'm a do me". of course, these guys are talking about ridiculous selfish stuff like getting loaded or laid or paid or vengeance. to be honest, i dont really know the context that its used but i listened to so much of that garbage to know they weren't talking about anything positive. anyways, sometimes i have to go with my own convictions. i think its good to seek advice, but one must do a thorough evaluation of the information gathered before acting upon it. i am the nina, the pinta, the santa maria! the world is my expense. the cost of my desire. Jesus blessed me with its future and I protect it with fire. WHAT!?!?! my boy zack is a beast on them vocals son. well anyways, if i dont write again before the b-day, its now paul rac, cory t, and me. so there is plenty of seating still available for those who may wanna tag along. its not anything spectacular just some friends having some burgers, holler if ya hear me.