as he opens the door, she rolls over. pretends to sleep as he looks her over

she lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man. better man by pearl jam. i wore my pearl jam shirt yesterday that i bought at the concert in 1996. i think it was 96, i know i went with nick slie, rodney guillory, and i think sherry hymel. i know my cousin, frank, was there and so was speedy or jason gonzales, whichever way you prefer. it was the day after i smoked weed for the first time. i smoked with some of my friends at the time blake, aaron, i think weimer and justin were there too. i got a really dry mouth and remember rinsing it out with water from kristy bergeron's pool. we were at a party at her house that night. i think i was drunk on jaeger(however you spell it??) jaeger was always at kristy's house with me for any party she'd have. i also remember when i went to homecoming with holly murray, she was dating jim shackleford by the time the dance came and so naturally i was left to my self with shan horzelski and a bottle of jaeger. man we got sauced that night. i threw up for hours when i got home, it was incredible. i talked to shan for the first time since the night before we got reggie bush, last week. he seemed uninterested in my call so i let him go. i guess its whatever, people grow up and grow apart and i'm sure that allot of the company i've kept in the 2 years prior to my 'awakening' is just f'n tired of hearing stories about me in jail or some other story. i know i was a mess on many a christmas eve at bridget's house and was told one story in particular by nick mcevoy that was very disturbing, but probably true. i say all of this, i guess, to remind myself of where i came from and how different things are now. i wish i had closer contact with massett and froelich, matt jacob and bryan oubre, countless others. i wonder what came of b rou and garland, if they are doing alright or whatever. the former i lost a long time ago with my rebelliousness back in december of 97 and the 4 years of the debacle that was my life, that followed. the latter were around for a while cause they were doing all of the things i was doing and paying similar prices for thier inability to free themselves from the grips of addiction. i have new friends now that are real and great, but none are real great...hahaha. i dont know, i just started writing and it took me back to the 90's when drinking and drug use was still fun for me and it was without serious consequence, unless you consider a solid foundation in college squandered a consequence. hey, we all make choices in life that may or may not be the right one at that moment and much, much later we can admit our faults and recognize where those bad decisions were indeed neccessary for our development and maturity, spiritually as well as mentally. we, or i, had to go through many hardships and trials to learn that there is a god and his name is not chris howard, nick slie, deion, the rock, mike jordan, eddie, or any of the countless others i idolized as a boy and tried to shape myself to be just like. now i'm like me, in the image and likeness of my creator, and thats just fine. ya heard? holla