you do it to yourself, just you, and thats what really hurts

just you. you and no one else. you do it to yourself. that's lyrics from radiohead's just. its a really sweet song. i like it anyway. i was just typing the word and really fast and typed 'nad' instead, it was awesome. i'm getting closer to my move its inside of 2 weeks now and i am tying up the loose ends on this side. i packed my dress clothes(shirts and ties) and all of my long sleeved stuff. i dont have much else that i can pack now.....the rest will wait. i got an e-mail today from an old friend who complimented my writing. this made me really grateful. she said,"the universe is glad to have you back." that feels good to know that people on the outside can see the changes, not just see them, but like what they see. i ran into joni schexnayder yesterday at the zea's in baton rouge. i had grilled chicken with brown rice and broccoli. she had 4 tables and 3 trainees. it was nice to see her. she said i looked exactly the same as always. it's obvious that she was not around for the 160 pound dope feind who'd steal from your purse if you sat beside me and looked the other way. glad to no longer be that guy for sure. i do so many things differently now. i heard some things about someone close to me and his struggles with addiction to pain pills. i used to then seek that person out and try to get some. now i am genuinely concerned for their well being. it does scare me to some degree as it should, but due to the counseling i had and the discipline i've instilled into my own character, i am able to see that the only thing i can do is take care of me and hopefully he will see the change in me and wish it for himself. i no longer fool myself with the mental disillusion that i can make someone do something. ultimately you will do what you want to do. the trick is to do enough work on you to be able to avoid situations where your character or your behaviors can come into question. i can control 2 things.....and the rock means '2things' in this life: attitudes and actions....that is absolutely it. thats it. you can't get people to do anything, so don't expect them to. our serenity level is inversely proportional to our expectations. with higher expectations on things the greater the chance of disappointment. i read this stuff somewhere, its not mine. also, the other side of that coin is our serenity is directly proportional to our level of acceptance. if i can accept things as being exactly the way they are supposed to be at any given moment, then i can be a happy dude, right? right. so back to what i was saying, with the proper amount of discipline you can elect to not put yourself in a situation where you can get hurt or make a detrimental decision. i celebrated one year of sobriety in pat o'briens in the french quarter, i dont have to stay inside or in a church. i can do whatever i want to do and go whereever i want to go. this lifestyle is a choice and a priveledge. its got its perks. i am now never 'that guy' at a party, i am in better shape physically than ever before, i dont smoke cigs or anything else, i feel good, look good, and am good. thats a good feeling. thats a whole lot of goods. sure i make some mistakes, who doesn't, but i try not to hurt anyone or anything if i can help it. i try not to wrong anyone and the universe has its way of taking care of me too. also if someone wrongs me, i have the choice whether or not i want to engage in any of that foolishness, again the universe,i trust, will make it right on that side as well. i hope that i am able to reach everyone when i get to vegas and can keep in touch with those who would like to stay in touch. i will write plenty of stuff i'm sure when i get there. i think the internet, my cat, and my tv are the only things that will be the same when i get there. i'll have new friends, a new gym, a new job, a new schedule, and many other 'new' things out there. i'll holler back soon wardy. shout out to all the people who were in front of me in line at fye when i bought the rock dvd last week, i hope you all enjoy tha carter 3....whatever man, you people should've gotten the rock dvd too instead of wasting your money on that crap, but hey, to each his own.....be good, be-have, and be-ware of falling prices at wal-mart. the rollback whistler is on a tear(thats as in torn, not like if you cry) peace.