today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you

by now ya shoulda somehow realized what ya gotta do' thats oasis. perhaps he's right, by now i shouldve somehow realized what i had to do, but i'm still here. i didn't read the last 50-70 something blogs i just transferred from another site, but i'm glad thats done. it took me about 2 hours. why did i do it? i dont know. i guess it gives me the opportunity to see who i was, where i came from, what i was given, what i lost before, and try to apply those lessons to the here and now. i once again went through the great book 'the four agreements' today(go buy this book) and the author, Ruiz, speaks of the angel of death and what we can learn from him. what we can learn is the same motto of team bring it, of which i'm a member. 'there is no tomorrow'. we aren't guaranteed the rest of this blog post much less tomorrow morning. His point was similar to one i thought of the other day, he says that if we live each day like its our last or like its the last day of the people we care about, we should show them and tell them how much we love them. he then elaborates a bit more on an example, if you were to fight with someone who later dies in an accident or something, the guilt would be a heavy burden. so, i picked up the phone and called my mom in hawaii and let them know i loved them, just in case. i had a similar conversation the other day with a  friend of mine and told her that if i were in an accident and was afraid i may die, she'd be the one call i'd make. hmm. think about that for a second. if you knew for sure you were about to die who would you call? whens the last time you talked to them? we tend to get caught up in our busy day to day schedules and forget why we're here. its not to make money, at least not in my opinion. sure money helps to afford the things and luxuries we desire. it makes things a lot easier, but thats not who we are. our jobs are something to do for a few hours out of our day to be able to provide for ourselves and to have some sort of purpose. in most cases, our work is what we do for money, its not our purpose. my goals in the high school football program are the same today as they were then, thats to be a happy, successful, family man. hmm. sure i need decent income to achieve these goals but my job does not define me. what defines me as a man is who i believe i am and who i wish to be. am i happy? sure, at times. if i'm honest, it's not always, but i can work on that from the inside. i believe one's character is truly revealed in his willingness to stand tall in the face of adversity and say, "i can do this" "i can get up again and be whatever i want to be" so, if happiness is the goal, i must do things that make me happy. if i have trouble identifying those things, then i have to work harder to see why that is. why has life driven me away from being the happy little boy i was when i was a child? next goal, successful. how does one measure success? i'd say i'm very successful, others may not see me that way, thats about them, thats a problem they have with themselves. i've done things that no one would ever dare take on. i have experienced lows that have driven men to suicide, jail, or death. i'm still here. that's overcoming adversity, that, in my mind is success. ah, the last goal, family man. well, i dont have a wife or a child yet, but i know that i will when the time is right. define family though. i have siblings i adore and parents that would do anything to look out for my well being and i would for theirs. they are family. i have a beautiful nephew who is also my godchild, what an honor. i have a brother in law that i tell i love every time we speak. is this not what family is? have i not accomplished those goals i set so long ago? perhaps i have, but i want more and because i want more and i am strong willed, these things will come. in god's time. i'm exhausted from making this page, but i wanted to do something constructive with my night and i feel that i have. anyone who comes across this blogpage, feel free to ask me anything, because as of this moment, at 2am on a wednesday morning, my goal is to help someone anyway i can. my goal is to be of maximum service, to smile at the lady at the grocery store who seems sad, to pick up trash that i didnt drop, any little thing i can do, then the 2nd part of that goal, is to expect nothing in return. thats what i feel our purpose is on this planet. like stevie wonder once sang so beautifully 'love's in need of love today. don't delay. send yours in right away. hate's going round breaking many hearts. stop it please before its gone too far' good night everyone. this has been a joy to write to you all and i love each and everyone of you; friends, family, strangers, and enemies alike. lets all take a look at how we can be of service to someone in need and lets try to change ourselves into better human beings and be the children of god that he intended us to be. good night.